Family

Warning: This blog post will be deviating a bit from my regular topic of TV series. I have a potential Gotham post locked and ready for two weeks from now though, so the overall theme of the blog hasn’t changed.

It’s intimidating to be alone. Whether it’s eating solo at a restaurant, not having someone to be partners with on a class project, or just feeling isolated at a party, it’s always uncomfortable not having a friend or family member by your side. In my case, it’s uncomfortable, but not unusual: like a lot of Uni students, I am a pretty shy person (especially around other teenagers). That shyness, combined with my tendency to get tunnel vision when it comes to doing well in my classes/extracurriculars, means that I get to enjoy my own company more often than not.

For me, the ultimate test of how comfortable I was with myself came this summer. On a whim, I had applied to an internship program that was located near Washington, DC. To my [extreme] surprise, I got in. After lobbying my parents for about a week, it was decided: I would be living alone in a different state for ten weeks. I knew absolutely no one in the area, except the person who had accepted me into their lab. Although I knew how to take care of myself, I had never been away from my family for more than two weeks. In hindsight, this wasn’t the most thought out decision I’ve ever made, but it felt right at the time.

For the months leading up to summer, I avoided overthinking what my living situation would be during my internship. I only realized that I’d be alone alone for the summer when I kissed my mom goodbye before she left for the airport. For most of my life, I’ve lived in a house with my little brother, my parents, and my grandparents. There were moments when they would drive me crazy, but when I sat down on my bed, actually alone for the first time, I missed them more than I can say.

I wish I could say that I ended the summer having discovered my amazing power for living alone and “adulting,” whatever that means, but if I’m honest, my confidence was shaken. Sure, I could handle paying rent and taking out the trash, but I was less assertive in my everyday interactions. Without the omnipresent full force of my Romanian family, I felt unrooted. The people around can define us as much as we do ourselves, and I had not realized how much my family propped me up everyday.

Now, I don’t want to give the impression that I had a horrible time living alone. I had lots of awesome experiences, both through the internship program I was in and outside of it. I loved figuring out how to navigate DC on my own, jumping from bus to metro to bus to get from Georgetown to Dupont Circle to Downtown. I enjoyed taking the time to linger over a painting I liked, without pressure from family or friends to move on to the next thing. I appreciated being able to sit down in front of the Lincoln Memorial and think about what values were important to me. However, as the weeks passed by, I was increasingly grateful for the support system I have been blessed with.

I’m able to do well because I had a grandparents who told me every day that I could be the best in my class, a mother who believed in my ability to do anything, and a father who constantly challenged me. We talk about having opportunity and intelligence when it comes to succeeding, but sometimes growing up with people who expect the best from you can be just as important. I’ll be leaving my family for college soon, and as hard as it will be to leave them, I know that they will continue to be a source of strength for me.